dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
