I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I need a burrito and a hug.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
