You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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