i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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