Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
