would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
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