I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
