Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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