So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
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all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
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Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I supernannyed him into submission
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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