margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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