I saw his package. It spoke to me.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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