dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
