Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
