operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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