we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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