So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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