Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
