not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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