she woke up with a sticky ear
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
