His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
