Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
