her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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