my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
