He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
