Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
