It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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