I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
