My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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