They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
