He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
