I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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