the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
