I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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