I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
