and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have tasted many bathrooms
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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