I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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