well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
