I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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