I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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