The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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