Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
