Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
