"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
