9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
