I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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