my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
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So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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