I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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