if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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