so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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