there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
