i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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