He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
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Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
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But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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