he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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