went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
