At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
