you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
