I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
