How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
