Will you blow on my dice?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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