In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
