Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
