I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
and you fell through a lawn chair
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
