i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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