so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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