either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
