Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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