I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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