then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
