We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
