all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
