I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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