Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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