I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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