There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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