ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
