I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
