Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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