its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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